So You're Trying to be a Better Ally

Hey, Internet, here's a disclaimer:

I am a 22-year-old, non-binary lesbian. I have been out of the closet about these things since I was 14 or 15 years old. I have had more experience as an openly queer person than some and much less than others. I AM NOT AN EXPERT. This is just a little collection of anecdotes and lessons for all you cisgender heterosexuals who are putting in some effort to learn about LGBT stuff. 

There is going to be a glossary of terms used at the end of this one too, so you'll really know what I'm talking about and won't misuse words and misspeak in public! You're welcome, Internet. 

Let's do this!

RLW

DO YOU FIND YOURSELF WONDERING...

How do I ask people what their pronouns are?
How do I respond appropriately to someone coming out to me?
Why is Pride month so important?
How can I help fight for LGBT rights?
What resources and nonprofit organizations should I research and support?
How do I use particular LGBT vocabulary correctly?

WONDER NO MORE!

How do I ask people what their pronouns are?

When you introduce yourself to a person or a group, it is my belief that you should also tell them what your pronouns are. For example: "Hi, I'm Bob. He/him." While shaking hands would suffice. However, I think it's going to take a long time (if ever) for this to become the standard. These days, my advice to people when it comes to finding out pronouns is to ALWAYS default to using they/them until the person corrects you, then only use the pronouns you were fixed to use. That is unless you can find the time and place to ask outright. For example: "Hey, by the way, when I introduce you to [whoever] what pronouns do I use for you?" It is respectful, lets the other person tell you exactly which pronouns are correct, and doesn't pry into the ins and outs of their gender identity - which are not your business. 

How do I respond appropriately to someone coming out to me?

When someone in your life opens up and shares with you that they're a part of the LGBT+ community, whether they do so casually or formally, you should remember how hard it may be for them to be doing this, and treat them just as you hopefully always have anyway - with kindness and respect. If the person wants a different name or pronoun to be used for them, do your best to use them 100% of the time. Mistakes happen, but don't misgender or deadname people on purpose - it is an act of violence. Don't take others' corrections to your pronoun and name use mistakes as personal attacks, and remember to apologize and correct yourself. Always remember that chances are, the person who came out to you is probably struggling with/has struggled with these "new" facets of their identity more than you are, or ever will. Straight, cisgender people do not have to worry about being killed for being LGBT, and having their murders excused because 'fear' of people like me is a legal reason to take my life. It is called the LGBT Panic Defense and it is only outlawed in 8 US states.

Why is Pride month so important?

For me, Pride is the heartbeat of LGBT rights and history. What started out as riots at the Stonewall Inn on June 28, 1969, protesting against police arresting gay and trans people during a raid. Their alleged crimes were against "Public Morals", and that one night in Manhattan started a fight that still goes on today. Our parades and parties during the month of June are a slap in the face to those who have been killing us, arresting us, oppressing us, and trying to erase us for centuries. We're so damn loud and bright because if we aren't, then our oppressors, killers, and abusers win. Since the AIDS crisis, Pride has been a celebration of life for those lost to a disease that was turned against us by close-minded murderous governments, and stigma taking precedence over healthcare. Pride is the biggest fuck-you-homophobes / we-fight-for-the-fallen party of the year, and if you still think straight people deserve a party this kick-ass and meaningful, then just get out of here because you're hopeless.

How can I help fight for LGBT rights?

Love and support your LGBT friends and family members. Share pro-LGBT posts on social media. Research LGBT history and culture and share educational content on social media or just teach people around you in conversation -- including with kids! Listen to the opinions and experiences that LGBT people share. Honour the lives lost to hate crimes by attending vigils or sharing memorials online. Speak up when those around you are being bigoted, don't let passing transphobic and homophobic "jokes" slide - they are acts of violence.

What resources and nonprofit organizations should I research and support?

• https://www.lgbtmap.org/
• 
  
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_liberation
• 
  
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots
• 
  
• https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
• 
  
• https://www.translifeline.org/
• 
  
• https://mermaidsuk.org.uk/
• 
  
• https://transgenderni.org.uk/
• 
  
• https://www.the519.org/

Glossary of Terms Used:

LGBT+ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (and more). This is the acronym used to describe the community to which the many kinds of same-sex-attracted and/or gender-diverse individuals belong.

Lesbian - Describes women and some nonbinary people who feel attracted to women.

Gay - Describes men and some nonbinary people who feel attracted to men. Also a blanket term for most same-sex-attracted LGBT identities.

Bisexual - Describes people who feel attracted to two different genders.

Transgender - Describes people who do not feel 100% connected to the gender they were assigned at birth.

Non-binary - Describes a gender that is not male or female.

Queer - A term preferred by some, but considered still a slur to others. This can refer to a more vague, broad description of being LGBT but without giving away any specifics. 

Cisgender - Describes people who feel 100% connected to the gender they were assigned at birth.

Straight - Heterosexual. Describes people who feel attracted to their opposite binary gender.

Gender - A combination of aesthetic presentation, inner feelings, and expression that can come together in a multitude of forms with many different names. Not just male and female.

Sex - Physical and chemical characteristics that are no one else's business but your own. So don't ask people their "assigned sex" or about their junk or parts. It's not your business. 

On Tolkien

Once upon a time, there was a kid whose dad was a fifth-grade teacher. The kid loved their dad, his goofiness, loud laugh, and crazy talent for voice impressions. Storytime was always magical, and listening to their father's spot-on and unique character voices was almost hypnotic. 

One evening at bedtime, the child pointed to a thick, worn paperback on their father's shelf. With both hands, they pulled it out of its tight squeeze among the other yellowed volumes. The cover of this book had strange letters on it, and the cover picture was beautiful. On a pile of gold and treasure inside a cave, lay a red dragon. Smoke curled from its nostrils. 

This was the book the child wanted for their bedtime story tonight. Little did they know that it would change their life forever. 

That book was The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien. Of course, if you're a Tolkienite, I hope you would have guessed. That child was me, though I'm sure you understood that, Internet.

Yes, when my dad read The Hobbit to me, I'm totally sincere when I say it changed my life. My dad had a tradition with every grade five class he taught - that he would read them The Hobbit, so they could study the novel, and he could read one of his favourite books. Ever since that tale was brought to life for me, high fantasy consumed my entire imagination. I was five years old at the time, and far too young to endure or understand the Lord of the Rings movies at the time they came out. So, I moved onto reading all of CS Lewis' Narnia books, as the film franchise was new and exciting to me when I was growing up.

When I was in the sixth grade, things had started to get a little less childlike for me when my Nana, and best friend growing up, was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was unequipped with any skills to cope with grief and turned my attention back to Tolkien. I started reading the first novel in December 2008, when we found out my Nana had stage IV cancer. That Christmas, my family and I marathoned the films back to back, and my obsession through coping grew.

By March, when Nana was living in the hospital full-time, I had finished all three books in the Lord of the Rings series and started playing LOTRO - the Lord of the Rings online game. At the end of May, when my Nana passed away, I started rereading the series.

I would wake up, reach over to my nightstand for the novel, and start to read. I would read at any chance I got between classes in middle school, during meals, and I would stay up for hours just reading voraciously until I would pass out. By mid-July, Nana's house was empty and sold. My Papa (her husband) had been successfully moved to my home town so we could visit him without traveling across the province to where my dad grew up. Between December 2008 to mid-July of 2009, I had read the Lord of the Rings series three times from start to finish.

I've seen the movies now more times than I can count, and my high school years were bursting with excitement over The Hobbit films as they came out. I read The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings once a year, or at least I try to. My room decor is inspired by locations in Tolkien's Middle-earth, and my walls have art, quotes, and Tolkien-related symbols galore.

I met Elijah Wood, who plays Frodo Baggins in the films. At a comic book convention. My 18th birthday present was a photo op and meet-and-greet with him, and I was absolutely giddy. I adore the cast of the movies and follow a lot of shows and movies the cast have been in since LOTR.

The themes, characters, locales, and languages that Tolkien created got me through the hardest times of my childhood and teenage years, and I owe a lot to him. Whether it was through books, films, art, and fan communities online, video games... These stories and lessons have truly shaped who I am and my path in life - to create worlds and written works as meaningful to someone else as Tolkien's are to me.

RLW

A Very Good Place to Start

Okay, it's an "about me" post. Sue me. 

I come from a small (ten thousand people and shrinking) town in Southern Ontario, Canada. In fact, it's so far south, that Michigan (USA) is closer than the rest of the province! I grew up in a creative, albeit close-minded home that I may delve into more later. Needless to say, a small backwoods town and a small-minded family made things quite tricky.

(This is where I come out to you, Internet.)

I'm a lesbian, that is to say, I have known I'm attracted to women (and non-binary people) since I was 13 years old. Oh, and I'm non-binary too. Not a woman or a man, but somewhere happily enjoying the flow between genderless and woman. Please, if you ever refer to me, use they/them pronouns. Hell hath no fury like a transgender author scorned - and that includes me.

When I was nineteen years old, I left my hometown and wound up outside Toronto, attending a college program that is quite far-flung from where I am now. Special Effects Makeup. I used to dream of creating modern horror movie monsters, maybe one day even working on the set of Oscar-winning films. Let's just say that field wasn't cut out for me - and after two unfortunately flunked semesters - I moved onto pursuing a passion that has been with me since I was a little kid: creative writing.

Fast forward through three years of studying creative writing and publishing at a degree level, several nauseating ups and downs with my physical and mental health, and finally finding my motivation... to now.

Here I sit,

Screen alight,

After many a sleepless night; 

Once again,

Smiling bright,

Full of things that I must write.

Here's to our future together, Internet.

RLW